If you’ve grown up being told that you’re best friends with your mom and that this is a good thing, you are not alone. You might have grown up with people around you envying your relationship with your mom saying things like “wow you’re so lucky, I wish me and my mom were that close”. Being close to your mom isn’t a bad thing, but if this closeness starts to make you feel suffocated, it’s called enmeshment between mother and daughter. Enmeshment trauma is like feeling sucked into your mothers emotional vortex of drama every time she feels low or annoyed by something you or someone else did. You may have to put your entire life on hold because your mom is deciding to have another tantrum because a) her boyfriend left her (again), b) She’s really anxious about how your sister treated her yesterday or c) She doesn’t feel satisfied in life and she lowkey blames you for it, this my dear, is not friendship on any level. This is enmeshment trauma which means there are no boundaries between the two of you. You feel like you need to carry the emotional burden of taking care of your mom as if she’s your child and not the other way around. You turn yourself inside out in order to please her, but all you hear are sighs of disappointment and complaints on how you should give more next and stop being the most “selfish” person in the world. It’s as if she actually believes you can split yourself into multiple clones to quickly and perfectly adjust to the roles of surrogate husband, therapist, BFFs on ‘Sex and the City,’ personal nurse, financial planner, and hey, while you’re at it, you might as well offer her a place to live now that you’re an adult and making money. Oh, and don’t forget her allowance each week so she can do personal shopping and fulfil all her other needs with your hard-earned money. What’s next? Is she going to kick your hubby out of your bed so that she can sleep next to you? Unfortunately, scenarios like these actually happen when it comes to enmeshment trauma! If you feel like you are going mad and that you can’t win no matter what you do, if you feel confused and overwhelmed with guilt every time you think of saying no to her, do not lose hope—I am here to help! In this article, I will share with you 10 ways that you can protect yourself from your mother’s smothering and unreasonable demands on you. I will share real client examples so that you can learn from their journeys of healing from enmeshment trauma with Mom. So let’s dive in. 1. Awareness and acceptance If you’ve found yourself reading this article, chances are you’re starting to become aware that something is wrong in your relationship with your mom. You might have realized that she’s too involved in your life to the point where you start to feel suffocated and drained of energy. Maybe she’s living with you or insists that you call her every day so she can tell you the latest drama in the family or in her personal life. She doesn’t respect that you have your own life, family, or other things to do, if you try to set boundaries, she’ll make you feel so guilty that you end up giving her everything she wants, at your own expense. You may notice that she wants to be part of everything, and you’re not sure where you end and she begins. You may also be aware that when she finds a new partner, a new hobby, or anything else that brings her happiness, she may distance herself from you temporarily. But when she breaks up or has a fight with her partner, she may come rushing back to you like a child needing comfort and soothing. Meanwhile, you feel drained, confused, angry, inadequate, stretching yourself too thin, and bending over backwards to meet all her needs, but it’s just not enough. If you’re starting to see some of these patterns as unhealthy and not right, this is a very important first step. I acknowledge your courage to start looking into these things. Accepting that things aren’t picture-perfect isn’t easy, and I understand why you’re looking for answers. You’re most likely still attached to your mother and love her dearly but your mother is getting more and more demanding as time passes and nothing you do seems good enough for her. You feel as if you must take care of her needs, but as you try to, she only criticizes you for doing it wrong. When you talk to her about any of this, she may deny it completely, claim that you’re exaggerating, blame you for doing things wrongly, stating that this is the reason for her behaviour. She never takes accountability or looks at herself; somehow, every discussion you have with her ends up being about your “inadequacy”. 2. Reflect on your emotional independence and dependence on her Dependency acts as the soil from which the roots of a mother-daughter enmeshed relationship grow, while confusion and guilt are the weeds that sprout in the garden. The antidote to confusion is clarity, and the antidote to guilt is placing responsibility where it belongs. In other words, you got to rip the weeds from their roots! Let me guide you through an exercise to help you gain clarity on your relationship. Grab a pen and paper (no devices) and create two columns. In one column, write “What my mom does for me with or without conditions,” and in the other, write “What I do for mom with or without conditions.” Be honest as you begin writing. For example, a client of mine listed what her mom does for her: Listens to her at times, helps with the kids occasionally, cooks when she’s around, provides financial support, plans activities, and checks in on her. In the […]

Have you ever felt as if you’re not just dating your partner, but his mother too? You’re not alone. When your partner is too close to his mom, it can feel like she’s the third wheel in your relationship. In this article, we will examine the signs indicating that your partner is enmeshed with his mother and how this affects your relationship. From needing his mom’s input in decisions to relying on her for emotional support, and vice versa. Lastly, you’ll learn how trauma therapy can help you heal from the traumatic effects being in this kind of relationship can have on your mind and body. I’ve used “him” in this article for simplicity, but it’s important to note that a woman can also be enmeshed with her mom. 1. Always Takes Mom’s Side Imagine you and your partner find yourselves disagreeing, perhaps over something as simple as where to spend the weekend. Your partner consistently takes his mom’s side, even if it’s not what you prefer or what’s best for both of you. Your thoughts and feelings get brushed aside, and you start feeling like you don’t matter. This is a sign of enmeshment between your partner and his mom, indicating an unhealthy closeness with a lack of clear boundaries. If your partner has a hard time prioritizing you and your relationship over his mother, it makes sense for you to feel hurt, ignored, angry, and like a second-class citizen in your own home and relationship. 2. Mom Knows Everything When your partner shares every detail of your private life with his mom, from fights to what you had for lunch, it’s a sign of enmeshment. There’s no privacy left, leaving you exposed, angry, and anxious. This constant sharing can feel like you’re being observed, affecting your ability to express yourself freely. Even when she’s not present, it feels like she is, creating a creepy feeling. Your life’s details are out there for her to see without your say-so. Their lack of boundaries drags you into their unhealthy dynamic, making it hard to express yourself. If you get the sense that you ended up marrying his mom along with him, you’re not alone because most women who are with mother-enmeshed men feel the same way.     Their dynamic is very unhealthy and you shouldn’t have to feel this way. If this is what you’re going through currently, I truly feel compassion toward you as I’ve been in a similar situation in my past and know how it feels. Your feelings make sense, and I encourage you to trust them—they’re a sign that something needs to change. If he tries to tell you that your feelings don’t make sense or are exaggerated, it’s usually because he’s in denial and can’t see clearly. Nevertheless, this is a form of gaslighting, which means he is denying your reality. So, I’m here to tell you that your feelings are real. 3. Needs Mom’s Approval Now, imagine a scenario where you and your partner are making a decision together, maybe something as straightforward as what color to paint the living room. But your partner insists on getting his mom’s approval for every choice, as if her opinion matters more than yours. You may feel undervalued, frustrated, and disheartened. His desperate need for his mom’s approval resembles that of a child who hasn’t completed the natural separation between mother and son. It’s charming when a 5-year-old seeks mom’s opinion on choices, wants, and needs. However, it’s not cute when a grown man behaves like a 5-year-old. Something is deeply wrong, and this is another sign of an enmeshed relationship between mother and son. If you’re feeling inadequate, confused, angry, and questioning your role in this relationship, rest assured that your emotions are normal. 4. Chooses Mom Over You If your partner seems to prioritize his mom over you regularly, this is also a sign of enmeshment. He may cancel plans with you to be with her or consistently place her needs above yours. It’s like he’s chosen his mom as the top priority in his life, and this can leave you feeling rejected and unimportant. You deserve to be more than second best in your partner’s life, and if he’s more committed to his mom than to you, his relationship with her is enmeshed. How does this make you feel? Take a moment to notice how your body feels when he chooses his mom over you or does anything else on this list. Does your stomach turn? Do you get a headache? Does it feel hard to breathe? Do you sense a tension in your chest? Do your shoulders get tense? Do you feel smaller? If I were you, I would listen to these body sensations because they are parts of you trying to tell you something. Connecting with your inner world for even a moment and listening to your emotions and body sensations – can give you valuable information about yourself. Trust your instincts and your body. 5. Rushes to Help Mom Imagine the times when you need your partner’s support, perhaps when you’re facing a challenging situation. However, every time, he drops everything to help his mother, even for minor things like fixing a leaky faucet at her place or assisting with paperwork. In cases like these, the mother can also be highly manipulative and make minor things sound like an emergency. He can then argue with you that it is an emergency and he has to go.     Let’s examine why this dynamic is wrong and unhealthy. Mother and son seem to have an understanding that he should be the first person she calls in case of an emergency. The reality is that she is an adult and can very well call a plumber or 911 if there is an actual emergency. Even if her son were a plumber or a doctor, he has his own life, as any healthy parent-child relationship recognizes. Both of them may bring up technicalities […]

What does misogynistic mean? In Dr. Susan Forward’s book “Men Who Hate Women and Women Who Love Them,” she defines a misogynist as someone who deeply dislikes and distrusts women. According to Dr. Forward, misogynists feel entitled and lack empathy toward women.

Do you recognize yourself in any of the following thoughts? “My parents had a tough upbringing themselves, so I can’t blame them for how they treated me.”

Have you ever felt like you were at war with yourself? Do you have different parts of yourself that seem to be in a constant battle? Maybe there’s a part of yourself that you wish you could just get rid of, but no matter how hard you try, it just won’t go away. Internal family systems therapy helps you to find internal calm and heal past trauma. 

The cycle of abuse is a pattern of behavior that you’ll see in abusive relationships. It is a pattern of behavior that can occur in any type of relationship where one person uses power and control to harm their partner.

Dealing with a psychopath or a person with psychopathic traits can lead to feelings of severe depression, loneliness, uncontrollable rage and can plunge you into a place of emotional darkness and despair. Wounds that you never knew you had can surface all at once from being with a psychopath because they so easily (and happily) will use your vulnerabilities against you.

Trauma bonding is when you’re attached to a person (abuser) who consistently betrays you in one way or another. This could be emotionally, physically, financially, mentally or verbally. Yet, you feel addicted to the abuser and panic at the mere thought of leaving.

This article focuses on the abusive father for simplicity’s sake, but these signs apply to mothers, partners, friends or whoever in your life that portrays these behaviors. Additionally, these 5 signs are just a few out of many abusive behaviors that exist.

In this article, I focus on enmeshment with your mom but may very well be with your dad, your spouse, or a friend. Enmeshment can happen in any relationship.

You may be falling for the traps narcissists put out for you. In this article, you will learn 12 mistakes that you may be making with a narcissist and other emotionally abusive people. You’ll know what to look out for and what to avoid doing to get some of the control back into your hands. It’s better to equip yourself as much as you can when dealing with a narcissist (or leave them if you can) so you don’t hurt yourself even more. So here it is, 12 mistakes to avoid dealing with a narcissist. 1. Trying to earn the narcissistic person’s love Do you find yourself fighting to earn the narcissistic person’s love? It’s impossible to make a narcissist love you because they don’t want to learn and do not know how to love you. A narcissist lacks empathy and doesn’t believe they are wrong. So they will lack any motivation to change. Try avoiding this mistake of working hard to earn their love.   2. Ignoring your emotional pain Are you ignoring the pain you feel? Numbing it with food, games, sleeping or drinking too much? This is quite common because you may feel really heartbroken, exhausted and angry. Numbing your pain will only make the pain grow stronger because the pain needs to be let out. By feeling the pain you’re letting it out and accepting the truth which is that this person is bad for you.  So I urge you to feel your pain, accept the truth within you, even if it’s just one part of you that knows the truth, believe it. Listen to that part. Is the voice within you asking you to leave? Is it asking you to set stronger boundaries? Is it asking you to seek help from a professional or a friend or just someone who will understand? Don’t ignore your pain, listen to it and act on your inner voice, it is your truth speaking to you. Think of what will happen if you don’t listen to it.   3. Hoping he/she will change  Are you hoping that your mom, dad, or spouse will change? Maybe you think you can help them change? If only you’d love them more, if only you don’t trigger them so much if only they’d go to therapy, if only…fill in the blank. If so, know that narcissists don’t think there is anything wrong with them as I’ve mentioned before. This is part of the problem of being narcissistic. You cannot convince them to change their behavior, way of thinking, or anything else about them no matter what you do. I know this sucks. But, a narcissist will never change, don’t want to change, don’t see anything that needs to change in themselves.   4. Remembering a time they showed you love or empathy Are you remembering a time they did show empathy? The only reason a narcissist shows empathy is when they need something from you. Basically, they do this for themselves, not because they suddenly realize for a moment what love is. Pretending to be loving in order to get something from you isn’t love. It’s merely an act and really about being manipulative. Narcissistic people are fantastic manipulators and they can do it with charm. This kind of manipulation is awful and wrong. 5. Making excuses for the narcissist’s behavior Have you ever called a narcissist out for his or her bad behavior? How did that work out for you? Clients tell me their stories where they try to break free by confronting their parents or partners about their narcissistic behaviors. But it always backfires. Why? Because the narcissistic person will tell you how sad his or her life has been.    How rough they had it while growing up. Whether this is true or not doesn’t matter. You start to feel sorry for your parent and guilty for confronting them. To feel sorry for a narcissist is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. This is exactly what he or she wanted. Again, you’ve been manipulated. You’re the victim, yet, suddenly they make themselves look like the victim and you’re left wondering “What the f*** just happened?”.  You don’t want to end up making excuses for their bad behavior toward you. There is NOTHING that justifies their abuse. You had/have it rough too! When you were a child, they were adults and therefore they were responsible for their behavior, to take care of you and do something about their problems. Be aware of this very common mistake, don’t get sidetracked by the narcissist’s manipulation. They feed on all the attention you give them and they don’t give a damn how you feel or what you need. This is not ok.   6. Getting dragged into their drama Narcissists crave attention, love to talk about themselves, and lack empathy. Clients who deal with narcissistic parents tell me how they get dragged into the emotional drama. One example is Marc (not his real name) who has very recently been able to set boundaries with his narcissistic father. His father doesn’t like this at all, because he is losing control over his son whom he has been controlling throughout his life.  He doesn’t want him to become independent and is noticing that Marc is becoming aware of his father’s abusive ways. Marc is even able to say “no” to his father’s constant attempts to control his life.  In order to get Marc to obey him once again, Marc’s dad acts sly and forces his wife to check up on Marc. When Marc was able to tell his mom that he was busy and had his own things to focus on in life, Marc’s dad sent several other people in the family to “talk” to Marc. Marc’s narcissistic dad was trying to make Marc feel guilty for not giving enough time and attention to him.  When this also failed, however, Marc’s father had a complete meltdown and verbally abused his son through a series of rageful […]

Imagine being on a date and the gorgeous-looking guy or girl starts by telling you about themselves….

If you find yourself overeating when you are stressed out, drinking yourself to oblivion, using drugs to relax, binge-watching YouTube or Netflix when you are feeling upset, anxious or overwhelmed, you are numbing.

I think it’s very important to mention first and foremost that I have faced depression in my life, so much so, that I’ve also been suicidal.

I’d always have a very hard time understanding boundaries, let alone building some for myself. The reason was because I wasn’t taught how to create healthy boundaries or what it meant.

Being mindful simply means to be conscious or aware of something. This could be something as simple as your breathing, the sky, what you are doing, thinking or feeling. Being mindful of our breathing, in fact, is one of the most basic and important things we all need to do more of.

Loneliness is when you realize that you don’t have enough people or friends around you or the few people that you have, you don’t have much in common with, let alone any meaningful relationship with. It’s when you feel excluded from a group, unloved by others around you and when you’re unable to share your concerns.

Do you feel unfairly treated? Does it feel like you’re putting up a mask around some people only to act “appropriate” and be accepted? Do you feel almost forced to try and please someone? Are you tired of dealing with toxic people? If that’s you, please keep reading.

Do you know some people go to psychological therapy to talk about their destructive behaviors to feel better about themselves? Even though they’re aware the behavior is wrong. After the session is over, they go right back to behaving in the same destructive way over and over.

Firstly, I want to apologize for writing less often. The reason for this is that I’ve started with an online Bachelor’s program in Psychology which is taking up most of my time. I’m super excited about my studies because it is what I always wanted and I’m finally doing it. That being said, I will try my best to keep giving you useful content as regularly as I can. I appreciate your understanding.

Do you have trouble asking for help? Do you think it’s a sign of weakness admitting you could use some help? Are you afraid people will say no or see you as a burden if you would ask? Or a voice within simply says something like, “I’ll do it myself. I don’t want to bother my friends or family. They have enough going on themselves and besides my problems are nothing compared to theirs.”

An emotional roller coaster of drama, pain and suffering. And then, when you least expect it, comes the loving, that you’ve been longing for. And yes, it does feel good when the love finally arrives. It works as a painkiller, until you’re back up on the roller coaster sooner than you wanted. Unfortunately this is the way a lot of people’s personal relationships looks like?

If you ever feel unappreciated, you’re not alone. It sucks feeling like you’re not being appreciated enough for the things you do. Especially when you do it for the people you love. Instead maybe you get to hear the things you don’t do right and how you “always do something wrong”. I think it all comes down to one thing in the end. Do you appreciate yourself?

You’ve finally reached home after a tiring day at work and it’s been one of those nasty days where nothing seemed to go right. You open the door and almost make it to the living room when you’re spouse greets you lovingly but he/she wants to talk. Instantly you’re feeling exhausted and don’t feel like talking at all. Still you say, “Ok. What do you wanna talk about?”

This article will help you get clarity if You’re being torn apart by feelings of guilt. You know, when you want something but that voice pops up “I shouldn’t” or “I can’t”. I’m referring to the times you don’t do something because it might hurt someone else.

Body language is so much fun, don’t you think? I mean can you imagine being able to read what people are really trying to say by the way they move?

This happened many years ago. I was at home and training using the elastic band. It’s meant for resistance training. While doing this, it slipped from its place and hit my right eye.

Recently, many of my family members have discovered my blog and that I’m actually capable of writing. LOL. Apparently some of them opine that what I’m doing is a waste of time and they also wonder ‘who would care enough to actually read it’.

These are some of the values or practices that I personally believe in and try to apply in my life. I find that aspiring to be and do more of these things can create powerful change both in your life and others.

I think that it’s hard to try to become what we think we should. Our minds are susceptible to all sorts of incoming information. And these days we are bombarded with messages, pictures, ads, videos and all kinds of suggestions on how to live and who we should strive to become.

Do you find yourself stuck in situations where it feels impossible to say ‘No’? Do you often feel guilty the few times you managed to dig up the courage to say ‘No’? Or maybe you think you are being selfish if you say ‘No’.

Throughout my life I have suffered a lot. I’ve been depressed, rejected by loved ones, betrayed, I’ve been bullied in school, humiliated, disrespected and lied to. I have also experienced heart break, failure, been manipulated and hurt.

If you can avoid difficult people, then please do. This is for your own good. Don’t waste valuable time, energy and frankly don’t waste your life on people who contribute nothing to you or others. But if you can’t here are some great points that will help you.

Today something really insane happened. I and Fareem went to an event that was supposed to be about being a great speaker. I had been looking forward to this event the whole week.

When I was a teenager I felt like a total loser in some aspects of my life. I was incredible at sports, very good in math and music. In school overall I was an excellent student, gave my best in all subjects and felt pretty proud of myself.

When I was in school I wasn’t very good at English at all. In fact I actually disliked learning any language; I was much more into sports, math and music. These subjects came easy to me, I considered myself a star in all three subjects and it showed on my grades as well.

Overcoming panic attacks and anxiety: To overcome anything in life we must first let go of what we are already holding on to which isn’t serving us or the world, that’s what I believe.

Even though I’m living a very happy, successful, stable and peaceful life today I can still remember the feeling I had when I was laying on the floor fighting for my breath like I had done so many times before.

Unleash The Power Within is a seminar hosted by Anthony Robbins which many of you must already know is one of the world leaders in self development, most sought out high performance coach and speaker, author and much more.

I remembered when I first read a post about how to love yourself I felt appalled. Why? Because I was in a passionate (or so I thought), crazy and “complicated” relationship at the time and the last advice I needed to hear was how to love yourself by being by yourself and taking care of yourself. I honestly didn’t even know what that meant exactly.

You might have been wondering for a very long time what you are supposed to be doing with your life, I know I have. At one point I seriously thought I would never find my purpose, I would never figure outwhat I’m supposed to be doing. After an injury to my right eye

Countless times in my life I’ve found myself struggling with nagging thoughts such as “you are not good enough” or “you are not smart enough” or “you can’t do this job” or “you are the worst, you can’t do anything right”. Sounds familiar?

If you just want to learn how to deal with failure from a list of things to do than you might just scroll down this page and get the content right away. If not, then I would like to get into the more interesting part which I think we all need to understand more of.