I apologize for the delayed response! I somehow missed your comment until now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. To answer your question, yes, enmeshment and parentification always coexist. Additionally, narcissistic behavior is commonly seen with these dynamics. Enmeshed parents tend to use their children to fulfill their needs, rather than the other way around. This, coupled with control and manipulation, is also how narcissistic abuse looks like. I’m sorry to hear that your wife is placing the blame solely on you. While parents certainly share responsibility for their children’s well-being, when manipulation and abuse are present, it gets complicated. This seems to be your case, John, and seeing clearly what’s going on is not easy when someone is deliberately gaslighting you (changing your reality).

Yes, you can absolutely get the tools and strategies in therapy, but our main focus in trauma therapy is to heal the parts in you that get triggered dealing with this situation. Once that begins to happen, shifts will naturally occur as you gain more clarity in your mind on what to do and say. You are welcome to contact me for a free 60 minute session to get a feel of working together and trying out IFS therapy.

I hope this was helpful John,

Regards
Selma