Comments for Selma Khan

Comment on 15 signs your mother is narcissistic and how you can heal by Porscha

Porscha — Tue, 22 Apr 2025 11:15:13 +0000

This was an excellent article, I feel like I just read my entire life’s experience with my own narcissist mother. I feel so validated and so eager to keep reading each sentence. I kept saying yes. That’s exactly what happened to me. That’s exactly how I felt. Thank you so much for helping me to see that I’m not alone. I have been no contact with my mother for 11 years now and I am so happy now. Healing is possible. But I do come back to read these articles regularly because I’m an empathetic person. Naturally those old feelings can start to creep up and I have to remind myself of who I was dealing with and who I really am and it always helps me.

Comment on 13 signs your relationship with your mom is toxic and enmeshed by Sullivan

Sullivan — Thu, 23 Jan 2025 04:51:49 +0000

After reading this, I felt a whirlwind of emotions. To feel seen, validated and finally understood was so refreshing. I’m bordering a move that will take me over 3,000 miles from my mother, and the entire situation is causing increased tension and feelings of guilt. I’m 27 years old. I feel like a prisoner at home. I’m exhausted. Tonight, reading this, has allowed me to finally feel like I’m not the problem. I’m not a bad daughter. Thank you, truly, for this article. Thank you!

Comment on 13 signs your relationship with your mom is toxic and enmeshed by Selma Khan

Selma Khan — Fri, 12 Jul 2024 11:56:14 +0000

Hi, I’m sorry you could identify with so many signs in this article. I understand that must be painful but maybe a bit liberating as well?
I’m glad you felt seen and validated, you are very welcome. You should be proud of your achievement, that’s really incredible! It makes sense that you would have mixed feelings about leaving though because of the enmeshment between you and the inevitable guilt she will give you. If you would like to heal from enmeshment trauma, I am happy to offer you one free session online with me. If not, I hope you find healing with another trauma therapist because trauma therapy, specifically Internal family systems therapy (IFS) is truly one of the most effective treatments out there today to heal from both enmeshment trauma and narcissistic abuse, really, all forms of complex trauma. Thank you for your comment. Sending you a lot of compassion and courage, you get to make your life about you now, it is high time.

Comment on 13 signs your relationship with your mom is toxic and enmeshed by Selma Khan

Selma Khan — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 11:25:21 +0000

In reply to V2M. Sorry to hear that you can identify with almost all of the signs. That must be really difficult to realize and at the same time perhaps it is also liberating in some way? You're right, the numbness and disconnect are survival skills, we also call them "parts" of yourself in Internal family systems therapy language. I'm glad you liked the article and thank you for your comment.

Comment on 13 signs your relationship with your mom is toxic and enmeshed by V2M

V2M — Fri, 24 May 2024 01:02:11 +0000

Just WOW…can quite easily (& sadly) identify with almost every single one of these examples with the exception of only a couple. Both scary & exhausting just at the momentary self-acknowledgement of how deep the toxicity runs. Lots of mid-life awareness surfacing last several years of my emotional “numbness” & disconnect, an acquired & unintentional survival skill/curse I suppose. Thank you for the amazing insight.

Comment on 14 Signs Your Partner is Enmeshed with his Mom by Selma Khan

Selma Khan — Sun, 31 Mar 2024 08:33:36 +0000

Hi John,

I apologize for the delayed response! I somehow missed your comment until now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. To answer your question, yes, enmeshment and parentification always coexist. Additionally, narcissistic behavior is commonly seen with these dynamics. Enmeshed parents tend to use their children to fulfill their needs, rather than the other way around. This, coupled with control and manipulation, is also how narcissistic abuse looks like. I’m sorry to hear that your wife is placing the blame solely on you. While parents certainly share responsibility for their children’s well-being, when manipulation and abuse are present, it gets complicated. This seems to be your case, John, and seeing clearly what’s going on is not easy when someone is deliberately gaslighting you (changing your reality).

Yes, you can absolutely get the tools and strategies in therapy, but our main focus in trauma therapy is to heal the parts in you that get triggered dealing with this situation. Once that begins to happen, shifts will naturally occur as you gain more clarity in your mind on what to do and say. You are welcome to contact me for a free 60 minute session to get a feel of working together and trying out IFS therapy.

I hope this was helpful John,

Regards
Selma

Comment on 12 mistakes you want to avoid when dealing with a narcissist by Venessa

Venessa — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 15:02:03 +0000

I am a survivor of a horribly abusive narcissist. My rights were taken away because I lived with him a year in his country and suffered almost daily abandonment when I was totally dependent on him. I returned to the US a few months ago but reside in a state I know no one after again being deceived by two women who exploited me for money. I have known my ex bf over three years and today is day three of no contact. I am in the slow process of healing by trying to educate myself on trauma bonding and narcissist behavior. I try to forgive both be and myself but don’t think I am ready yet. I also joined some groups on narcissist healing but have already been preyed upon . I found your article helpful am know I have trust issues etc. I am basically afraid of people now.

Comment on 6 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist by Selma Khan

Selma Khan — Thu, 25 Feb 2021 17:03:35 +0000

Hi Dyann, thank you for your comment! I’m sorry to hear you have to go through all that. It’s definitely not easy. It’s good that you are in therapy however and I sincerely hope you are finding it helpful for your recovery and healing process.

Comment on How to make people like you by using body language by Tony

Tony — Wed, 18 Oct 2017 06:55:44 +0000

This is really useful information. I think by being present and not thinking about other tings or past or present, we actually remember the things we have learnt and they come to us at the most appropriate time. I note to be present during every encounter. Thank you Selma.

Comment on Dealing With Depression? My letter to you… by Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 15:17:20 +0000

Great advice Selma! If only my sister had taken all these good inputs before she took her life after her husband left her. I have learned more about those who take their own life since then, enough to know you are right about people needing to engage as many people as possible especially if you become depressed. Just when you want to run and hide is when you really need to run and blurt out who you are to anyone who will listen, especially to yourself you must listen (to the good that is in you). Most suicides are not the low end of our society, NO, they are the greater overachievers that we often admire. My sister was such. They want only the best and they want only to do their best for themselves and everyone. They are often failed optimists in a society that is very imperfect. And sadly, just when we need them the most, they rob us of their beauty. Please don’t rob us needy folk of your beauty. We need the hope you can bring that we can all rise above the sadness we share. Together we can get through this… Together!