An emotional roller coaster of drama, pain and suffering. And then, when you least expect it, comes the loving, that you’ve been longing for. And yes, it does feel good when the love finally arrives. It works as a painkiller, until you’re back up on the roller coaster sooner than you wanted. Unfortunately this is the way a lot of people’s personal relationships looks like?

It’s like you settle for something way less than you deserve. Have you ever stopped to think what you deserve? And if you know you deserve better, which most people do but tend to divert that thought by referring to it as a “difficult” relationship, why do you put up with so much crap?

People complain about their partner and it includes reasons like “I’m not being treated right” or “There is a lot of blaming going on and I’m so tired of all the drama”. And if you ask the crucial question, which is, “Are You Happy?” you get to know that they aren’t very happy. Yet, they stay. Why?

Are you in a situation like this right now? I’m talking about being in a relationship where you are not happy and your heart or maybe mind knows that this person isn’t good for you. Is your relationship filled with more pain and suffering than love, respect and kindness?

I recently came across a video which explained why we sometimes stay in a relationship that isn’t good for us and I have to say I think it made a lot of sense. It basically says that you fall in love with those who care for you in familiar ways. So for example, if you had parents who for the most part of your childhood ignored you, mistreated you and used punishment to teach you a lesson, then you (sadly) get used to being treated this way. Sure, they gave you love (every now and then).

Because of this experience as a child, you might look for a partner who treats you in the same manner. The ignoring, punishment and rejection with a little bit of love and respect can feel so familiar that you mistake it to be love. But it’s not. It just feels familiar because you are used to it, but it is in no way what you deserve.

That short but very informative video made me realize that some of us might just be settling for crumbs only because it feels familiar. It feels like you’ve been here before, like love can only be earned after you’ve gone through the pain and the drama. Or maybe you’re trying to convince yourself that the pain you felt yesterday wasn’t as bad as you thought. That there are worse things after all.

There are always worse things but that’s not the point and definitely not the way to think if you want to feel happy in your relationship. If you’re in a complicated relationship or know someone who is, try to see it for what it is.

If you feel pain on regular basis (whatever regular means to you), drama is right around the corner and if you have to work very hard to get some love and respect, it isn’t a relationship that’s good for you. It’s not good for your well being, it’s not fair to you and your children (if you have any) and it’s definitely not what you deserve.

Don’t look for familiarity. Look for someone who is good and kind to you and who truly cares about you and I mean all of you. Don’t push the person away, the one who actually loves you only because you can’t recognize the feeling of being loved. Get familiar with love and kindness; learn to be in that feeling of being loved for who you are.

Have you ever met or dated someone that was just too good to be true? Or just someone who made you feel calm, loved, accepted and adored just the way you are? Did that make you feel a little freaked out? Maybe you would use another word for it like scared, uncomfortable or maybe even bored?

Well if you’ve experienced that, it’s most probably because you thought you don’t deserve this. It might have felt too easy. You don’t seem to have to work at all to get the love and so maybe you lose interest.

If you can relate at all, to this, you’re not alone. But more importantly take this awareness with you, maybe even evaluate your current personal relationship and see if and what you realize from it.

Don’t get addicted to the pain, drama and suffering. Don’t settle for crumbs when you can get so much more, even if it feels scary as heck to be loved without doing anything in return.

Instead, get addicted to things like LOVE, RESPECT and COMPASSION. Get addicted to honesty, laughter, warmth and peace of mind.

Can you tell me one thing that’s more important than peace of mind?

I can’t personally think of anything more important.

And here is the link to the video if you wanna check it out, it’s only 5 min long.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuV80wYRld0&feature=youtu.be

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Choose to be happy,

Selma

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