When I was a teenager I felt like a total loser in some aspects of my life. I was incredible at sports, very good in math and music. In school overall I was an excellent student, gave my best in all subjects and felt pretty proud of myself.

Other aspects though, such as boys for example or being confident in a social situation weren’t my strong point at all. A boy who I had a huge crush on rejected me and I felt really sad and embarrassed. I felt like a loser and thought that there is something wrong with me which is why no boy is ever going to feel attracted to me.

The real loser though, was the guy I had fallen for and I had no idea until he started acting like a jerk. When he found out I liked him he started making fun of me and acted like a douche bag by deliberately kissing other girls as soon as he saw me coming.

He kept asking me why I’m not talking to him and that he knows how much I like him and he said it with an evil grin on his face, like he was enjoying himself. I was happy in one sense though, because I finally found out what an obnoxious pig that guy was and I was lucky we never got together.

But what I did after that made me feel like a winner. I thought, ok I’m not very good at this dating, relationship and attracting men thing so why not put some effort in becoming good at it?

I studied every book, every tape and seminar and applied almost everything I had learned in real life. Sooner than I could ever have thought possible I realized I had gained the skills, confidence, knowledge and understanding that were required to attract any man I wanted. As a result of that today I’m happily married to a man of my own choice and I’m very proud of having him and being his. I have gained back my self-worth and don’t tolerate any crap from anyone, including my husband. When you set high standards for how you want to be treated people tend to live up to your standards and the ones that don’t, you must get rid of or get far away from, otherwise you are setting yourself up to fail.

So my win after being rejected was taking that rejection and heartache, turning it into my advantage so I could ultimately get what I wanted.

This is just one story out of so many and this was definitely a turning point for me when it came to making a change in the area of relationships.

There was one time (the story serves as a great example on how to win in life) when I was depressed, jobless, alone and miserable. My (at the time) boyfriend had just left me and life was looking very dark. In my family no one ever had cared much about this boyfriend of mine. They are very religious (when it suits them of course) and did not approve of this kind of relationship. We had been together for 3 years after it all ended on a very sour note but I had no one that cared enough to ask me how I was doing. It was as though it never existed, those 3 years and the person I had spent those years with.

My family acted as if I never had been in a relationship and didn’t understand why I was so upset and sad. “Forget about the past and move on”. “Don’t be sad I will tell you what to do with your life now”.

You can only imagine how frustrating that was to hear. There has always been much drama in my family so whoever I reached out to, started telling me about their problems. They could go on for hours and since I always felt so unimportant I always ignored my own pain and showed compassion to their pain. And they made sure to suck the last drop of energy out of me until I felt so drained that I cried myself to sleep.

I thought that their pain is more real, more important than mine. I’m not that important and besides, I should be ashamed of myself for not have gotten married before living with a boy. There were many shameful and guilt filled messages that I had to listen to. The labels people put on me and their voices crept into my mind like an unwanted guest. There was an irony to all of this though, which I often thought about. The ones that tried telling me how to live my life were themselves feeling drowned by their own negative way of looking at the world and everyone else. I was surrounded by people who mostly knew only how to blame others for their own unhappy lives and they enjoyed shaming others.

Yes, there was a lot of hypocrisy going on in my family where people never practiced what they preached. When it came to preaching they were experts at it, they could spend days telling you how to live a successful, happy and peaceful life. When in reality they knew much more about how to be miserable, unhappy and how to wreak havoc in the mind.

My winning move in that situation was to never give in to people’s beliefs no matter who they were.
I won by not letting anyone put me in a box so that they could feel comfortable around me. Winning means learning how to soothe yourself at times, especially if you feel that there isn’t anyone who can support you at the time.

Give yourself credit for the small things you do, the decisions you make on a daily basis and whenever you do something nice for yourself. Whether you are depressed, happy with whom you are, looking to get better at something, you can use these helpful tools to be a winner everyday of your life.

1. Be honest with what you want to change in your life. If you want to be a winner you need to be honest with yourself with what it is in your life making you feel like a loser. See the areas, all of them which aren’t making you happy, which you want to change.
2. Find out what you need to do to feel like a winner, picture yourself being the way you want, having the job you want, or running your own business or being the perfect dad/mom, being perfectly healthy whatever it is, see it in your mind. Write down everything you can do to make that dream become a reality.
3. Start taking action to feel like a winner and remember that every small step you take is a win in itself. Go do all those things step by step, day by day or however long it takes, to get closer to getting what you want.
4. Don’t take no for an answer. If you want to get something done then instead of waiting for it to happen or trusting someone else to do the job do it yourself. Make the call, talk to the person in charge, go talk to someone who can help you get your job done, do whatever is in your power. If you know you have done everything that’s in your power to get what you want, then no matter what happens next you know you are the winner because you gave everything you got.
5. Face your fears. Being a winner in life means facing whatever it is that scares you so. If you really want to speak in front of people because you have something to share but you are scared of public speaking, you are most likely never going to speak. One way to solve that is to face that fear of yours. Write down what you are most afraid of, next thing you can do is to visualize how incredibly confident you are on scene and how your speech turns out excellent with a standing ovation. And if something does go wrong which is highly unlikely you are still the winner because you went for it! Making the decision to face your fear means winning, it doesn’t matter how it turns out.
6. Trying is winning, keep trying is being a winner. Remember that what you might consider as failing isn’t in reality failing at all. Because failing to me is when you stop trying, not going for what you want or worse, when you give up on your dream because you are scared to fail. Don’t make the mistake like I did to be scared of failing before you have even tried. And once you do try, you will win, because so many people never even try going for what they believe in and that’s the ultimate losing tactic in life. Chose to be a winner by trying and trying again until you get what you want.

Thank you for reading and I hope this post has given you some hope, help and/or insight for your life journey. If you like this post, please share it with your friends and family. Be sure to subscribe to our newsletters to get updates on new content.

Choose to be happy,

Selma

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