If you find yourself overeating when you are stressed out, drinking yourself to oblivion, using drugs to relax, binge-watching YouTube or Netflix when you are feeling upset, anxious or overwhelmed, you are numbing.

This behavior can develop into a more serious problem, such as addiction. I know it can feel really good to engage in these behaviors, especially when you’re stressed out, scared, or just overwhelmed by life. You might even think of it as harmless at times. Anything in moderation (I do not promote the usage of drugs at all) is fine. However, when you go overboard with anything in order to escape, avoid, ignore the pain within, you are creating a new problem, apart from the one you don’t want to deal with.

Long term you know what can happen if you continue on the path of self-destruction and numbing, you only create more anxiety, more overwhelm, more guilt, etc. You can be at the risk of becoming addicted to destructive numbing behaviors. Of course, shutting down and ignoring your emotions can have other consequences as well, such as increased stress levels, fear, and increased risk of putting yourself in danger when it comes to alcohol and drugs especially. So, in case you would like to know what you can do instead of numbing in order to ease your anxiety, here are 5 things you can do:

1. Look at possible reasons why you’re feeling anxious

There is always a reason for anxiety and it usually relates to something someone did, a memory, an incident, current circumstances that are causing you so much pain that you feel as if you cannot bear it any longer. The anxiety is trying to tell you something and if you ask yourself: What is my anxiety trying to tell me? If you listen long enough in silence – you will get an answer. What pain am I avoiding? What is it that feels too much to bear right now?

2. Find words for what you are feeling and what happened

Now you need to find words for what you are feeling. Do you feel angry, sad, betrayed, disappointed, grief, upset or depressed? What are you noticing about your feelings? By noticing your feelings and sensations in your body you are allowing the pain to come up, tolerating the pain, and eventually (you need to give full expression to your pain and it takes time and practice) this can lead to you being free from the pain. If you are finding it hard to put words to your feelings or anxiety I offer to coach as well where I can help you find the words, identify your feeling, tolerate what you are feeling, and eventually set you free from it. If you’re thinking that feeling your pain will make it worse, I’m here to tell you it won’t. It can feel worse the moment you’re feeling the pain, but afterward, you will feel freer. A little bit at a time is what the process of healing is all about. The way out of pain is to go into it, no matter how weird it sounds. If you ignore the pain it will only get bigger, so will your anxiety.

3. Observe your thoughts, feel your feelings, notice your body

If you manage to identify what you are feeling and why you are feeling it – Can you find a way to tolerate what you are feeling? You have the right to feel what you are, isn’t that true? So please, allow yourself to experience the feelings that are inside of you because you deserve that. It’s ok to feel it, even if it’s painful. Again, it may feel counterproductive, but it is actually a very effective way out of pain. The part which you will not like is that you must first go into the pain to then get out of the pain. In other words, all you do is experience the feelings, all of them, notice what is happening in your body (e.g. tightening of the chest, faster heartbeat, heaviness, tingling sensation anywhere, anything else that you notice) observe your thoughts (allow them to be there, they are just thoughts, not the truth) and feel your feelings (let the anxiety, sadness, anger or any other feeling you experience surface). Just allow it all to be as it is.

4. Do something you like

The point of doing this is to take care of yourself like you would a dear friend. You matter too, doing things that you like to ease your anxiety as well. Not as a distraction but as a way of regulating your emotions. Many of my clients have never thought of the things they like to do. But when I ask them how would you take care of a friend who was tired after crying? They come up with a list of things. That list I tell them is what you need to do for yourself. You might be used to taking care of others more than yourself. Now it’s time to switch this and start taking care of yourself just like you would someone you love. Ask yourself – What do I like, are there hobbies or activities I used to enjoy that I’ve stopped doing? I’ve had clients who picked up something as simple as cycling again and they feel amazing doing it. So think about what you like and can do for yourself, which will not only ease your anxiety but also be a tool for healing your anxiety as well.

5. Talk to someone 

Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be a helpful way to deal with your anxiety or any other problem for that matter. This way, you also don’t have to deal with it alone, you can have support from someone who cares about you. Make sure you choose to talk to someone whom you trust. Who will not judge you but instead listen to you, support you, give you advice when you ask for it, or just be able to sit with you in your pain. You can also contact me if you feel like you want to talk to me, I’m trained to listen, used to hearing about all kinds of problems and conditions and I’m here to help. So, don’t hesitate to send me an email in case you want to give coaching a chance, it can change your life. I always answer within 24 hours. You can send me an email from this link: https://khanselma.com/contact/. If you’d like to know what my clients have to say about me you can read about it here https://khanselma.com/testimonials/.

With Love,

Selma

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