Do you know some people go to psychological therapy to talk about their destructive behaviors to feel better about themselves? Even though they’re aware the behavior is wrong. After the session is over, they go right back to behaving in the same destructive way over and over.

Let’s say as an example that we’re talking about a person who’s cheating on their partner. They confess this to their therapist and seem to actually feel bad about it but they just won’t change.

They won’t stop cheating. They won’t use any tools that are given to them. They won’t leave their partner. They won’t tell the truth to anyone that it really matters to, except their therapist of course.

Now if this therapist would say “I don’t believe I can help you any further” could you blame them?

I don’t know about you, but I could understand the therapist’s point of view. If you’re just here to tell me about your destructive ways and you’re not interested in changing it, I cannot help you.

That’s right!

But…

If this person says that they’re cheating on their partner and they need to and want to change desperately but don’t know how, that’s a different story altogether. And, with this crucial attitude, change can happen.

I’m not implying you are cheating on someone!

Neither am I implying you have any bad behaviors whatsoever … although I’m guessing you might, just might have one maybe?

Point here is this. Admitting that you’ve got some (or one) destructive behavior/-s is a great start (and might I add very brave), but making the decision that you must change it makes all the difference in the world.

It’s very very different from saying that you would like to change a behavior.

And the major difference is the following:

1. When you like to change, there is an option NOT to change
2. But when you decide and realize you MUST change, there is no other option.

When you have the second attitude, change is only a matter of time and it might even go faster than you could’ve imagined. And I’m saying this based on my own personal experience of changing many significantly difficult behaviors.

When you hurt yourself and others, admitting it is a start but if you don’t change your behavior it’s as good as pointless.

If you want to talk it out with someone go ahead and share but don’t forget about it after sharing it. Do something to change your behavior and if you are lost as to how you can change, go to someone who can help you. Go to a person whom you know will give you advice that is good, just and right for you and others. You may be thinking that, that might be hard, I mean how will you know?

Well a good rule of thumb is:

Avoid taking advice from a person who encourages your destructive behavior by saying “it’s ok, don’t worry about it, it’s not that bad”.

You want someone who can acknowledge your bravery for coming forth and then help you with practical steps on what to do next.

Someone who can tell you upfront, “No, that’s not right” and also stand by your side to support and guide you in the right direction.

So to simplify this article a little bit and if you like lists, here is one for you.

1. Admit you have a behavior that MUST CHANGE
2. Make sure you understand the importance of MUST CHANGE vs. LIKE to change.
3. Seek out help from a wise person in your life or a professional (for example a psychologist, therapist or life coach) if needed.
4. If you don’t have a wise person in your life and cannot go to any professional, why not get a book about the behavior you want to change. Make sure to follow through on the exercises and tools you are given in the book.
5. Work on the advice you’ve gotten every single day until you have changed the unwanted behavior.
6. Be proud of yourself for changing your unwanted behavior because it takes courage to do so!

Happy thanksgiving to you and please share with me what behavior you would like to change. Did you find this article helpful?

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Choose to be happy,

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