Do you find yourself stuck in situations where it feels impossible to say ‘No’? Do you often feel guilty the few times you managed to dig up the courage to say ‘No’? Or maybe you think you are being selfish if you say ‘No’.

Whatever the case might be, saying no is a very hard thing to do for many people, including myself. I can even today sometimes feel myself getting stuck in circumstances where saying a no feels like my stomach is turning. But I will say this that with time and practice, I have gotten much better at saying no to people.

Not too many years ago, I would get sucked into a lot of drama where I found myself helping out others in more ways than I wanted. I thought I was being compassionate and understanding, a good human being, when in reality I was just being used as another shoulder to cry on. I remember how many calls I have received from people where they go on and on about their problems (for hours). And once they got it out of their system, they hung up. This left me incredibly drained and exhausted, while wondering ‘what the hell just happened’.

There have also been times where people have demanded me to help them, without even asking. And I was stupid enough to actually do it, because I was afraid to say no. Later I learned to say no to people’s constant demands because I finally realized my own importance.

Saying no is so much more than learning how to say no if someone asks you to a party you don’t wish to attend. It’s learning how to show self respect and teaching others how to treat you. It’s about realizing that once you finally build the courage to say no, you automatically say YES to the things or people that truly matter to you.

I want to share a number of things that helped me to learn how to say no.

1. Value your time. Your time is important and if you don’t let people know that, they won’t respect it. If you are dealing with people who keep treating you as if you have all the time in the world to spend on them, you must tell them to stop and that you need to go now.
2. No need to feel guilty. If you are dealing with someone who always asks for help but never returns the favor just remember that these people are usually very selfish. They might try to emotionally blackmail you to make you do what they want by playing the GUILT card. I don’t see myself being responsible for everyone and everything; it’s just impossible and frankly quite stupid. I can only take responsibility for enough things and people that I consider important to me. If someone tries to give you guilt, and that someone is a person who has never helped you out, you should CALL THEM OUT ON THEIR BS. “I always help you out but whenever I need help you don’t even bother, so don’t try to make me feel guilty for saying no right now”. Or something in that manner. You could also choose to reconsider that entire relationship if it’s only based on you always being there for them and never the other way around.
3. Don’t feel guilt even if you have to say no to someone you care about. Even if you sometimes have to say no to the people who does help you out and are there for you, IT’S OK. You might feel like your reason for saying no isn’t “good enough” and start feeling guilty about it. But people who really love you and care for you will surely understand and respect if you say no every once in a while. The whole idea of asking someone for a favor or whatever leaves the possibility of getting a no for an answer. The ones that are mature and strong will not give you any kind of guilt or bad feelings because they can take no for an answer.
4. Don’t care about being judged. It’s your life and you decide what you want to give your time and energy towards. Most of us want to be ‘liked’ and ‘good’, which I guess is ok in a way but not if you are trying to be someone you are not. You should not have to compromise who you are and what you stand for in order to be ‘liked’ or ‘accepted’. Whenever you feel scared of being judged you can tell yourself this; “The most important thing is what I think about myself and I know I’m a good person, even if I’m saying no right now.”
5. Accept your own ‘no’. The more insecure and unsure you feel about saying no, chances are higher that others will mind when they hear it. Because they can sense the insecurity and might think you’re not being genuine. The more comfortable and confident you are about saying no, the higher chances are that people will accept it without feeling crappy about it.
6. Practice saying no to feel better about it. You will get used to saying no the more you say it.
   And you will start feeling more comfortable and confident each time.
7. Saying no can also mean standing up for others. I believe that when we see an injustice occurring in front of us, we must speak up; we must say “no, that’s not ok”. It might take a lot of courage to do this, especially if there are a lot of people around. But if we don’t stand up when we should have we’re kind of passively being a part of the injustice itself, by not reacting to it. This is something I need to practice on myself. Recently there was teenager who threw trash on a beggar while passing by him. He quickly walked off. All I could do was loudly scream “What an Ass”, when what I really felt like doing was catching him and asking him, what the hell was wrong with him. I am still ashamed for not being brave enough to confront the guy. I’m still learning from my own mistakes and I’ve promised myself that, next time something unjust happens, I will speak up. Let’s encourage each other to speak up when we know we should, for the sake of all of us.
8. You will still get crap for saying no. Nevertheless there will always be people who will give you crap for saying no, no matter what you do. All I can say to that is this; learn to live with it. Many of us don’t like it when we see a disappointed face and we know we are the cause of it. But reality is that we cannot possibly please everyone and it’s not our job either. Let people deal with their feelings of disappointment, hurt, anger or whatever. It’s not your responsibility to make everyone happy; sometimes you must look out for yourself first, and know that that’s ok.

Once you say no, you will feel proud of yourself for standing up for what YOU think is right. Let us know in the comments below what you think about this post because we would love to hear from you. Thank you for reading and if you like this post, please share it with your community, friends and family. And make sure you subscribe to our newsletters to get updates on new content.

Choose to be happy,

Selma

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