If your mother is narcissistic, she’ll disrespect your limits, treat you as an extension of herself, turn you and your siblings against each other, and switch between being kind one day and evil the next. She’ll set expectations that are impossible to meet because she keeps changing the goalposts. She’ll rage if you question her and use the silent treatment when displeased. She’ll pretend to be the “perfect mother” so everyone thinks you’re the problem whenever you tell the truth about her. She expects you to admire her, and when you don’t, you get severely punished. When you do, she’ll occasionally reward you with fake affection, appreciation, and connection (love-bombing). She doesn’t care about your needs; the few times she does, she’ll remind you to be grateful.

If you’ve ever wanted to ask your narcissistic mother: “Why can’t you just love me? Why do you manipulate and control me? Why do you make me feel like I’m never good enough? Why do you turn others against me? Why do you deny things that you did to me? Why can’t you ever admit to what you’ve done?” This article will help you. These questions are only a few that daughters of narcissistic mothers ask me on a day-to-day basis and throughout my years of practice as a therapist. I want to help you determine what’s what; Is it really you that’s the problem, or is it your mother? Let’s find out!

This article is about narcissistic mothers but anyone who behaves this way is also narcissistic so if you recognize these behaviours, it applies to your situation as well. 

1. She has an Insatiable need for Approval and Adoration

The narcissistic mom always craves attention and loves being showered with praise. Adoration is her drug, and without it, she feels completely lost. It doesn’t matter if she’s earned it; she demands it from everyone, all the time. She leaves no space for anyone else’s needs or desires but her own. As a young daughter, you’ve probably felt invisible most of the time because you were never allowed to take up space. Any attention you received got snatched away by her in an instant. You may have felt pushed aside and used, as she always puts herself first. Growing up with a toxic mother, you quickly learned that her needs, comfort, and ego must come first, never yours. If you expressed your needs, she would see that as an attempt to overshadow her!

2. She will criticize you in the aim to destroy your confidence and build up her own

The narcissistic mother will trample all over your growing sense of self, constantly putting you down to chip away at your confidence and self-esteem. She’ll pick on you, be angry for no apparent reason, and brush off your feelings as if they don’t matter. If you dare to stand up for yourself against her criticism, she’ll often hit back with phrases like “You’re so unforgiving” or “You’re too sensitive.” Even though she’s the one causing you pain, you end up feeling guilty and ashamed. This manipulative tactic makes her feel superior and gives her the upper hand, leaving you feeling inferior, small, insecure, and always questioning if you’re good enough.

When she’s feeling insecure, disappointed, or deflated, she’ll take her frustration out on you, and the worse you feel, the better she feels. This abusive treatment seriously damages a daughter’s confidence; it can feel as if it’s non-existent. The narcissistic mother takes credit for your successes and blames you for her own unhappiness in life. Even when you try to enjoy yourself for a moment, she’ll make you feel guilty and stressed, saying things like, “You’re forgetting about the chores and homework you need to do.” This constant pressure trains your young mind to always be hypervigilant, even during enjoyable moments. That’s why many adult daughters struggle to relax, always thinking about the next task on their list, feeling like they haven’t done “enough” to deserve rest.

The constant criticism not only keeps you on edge, it also teaches you to keep your head down and aim low. The thought process goes like this: “What’s the point of even trying when I know I’m never going to be good enough anyway?” Even as an adult, you might feel scared of trying new things because you expect to fail. When you muster the courage to go for it, she’ll be there to criticize you and make you feel small.

Many daughters tell me they still hear their mother’s voice inside their head, saying things like: “Don’t think too much of yourself,” “You’ve always been a slow learner,” or “You’re always going to be difficult to deal with.” Naturally, this makes it really difficult to achieve your goals and dreams because you go out into the world feeling fragile, insecure, and one rejection letter is all it takes for you to think, “Mom was right, I’m no good.” These critical voices that belong to your mother can haunt you even after she’s gone if not dealt with. The seeds of doubt that she planted in you continue to criticize you when she’s unable to do it herself! This is how insidious and damaging narcissistic abuse truly is.

She’s always ready to dish out criticisms as if they’re badges of honour, saying painfully hurtful things like “your eyes are too close together,” “your nose is too big,” “you’re too fat,” “you’re too thin,” “your legs are too heavy,” or “they look like toothpicks.” She’ll remind you of the things she once praised you for, only to later declare, “You’re such a disappointment!” when you fail to live up to the “ideal” daughter. You have fallen short of her expectations! Her impossible expectations.

If you can relate so far, I’m very sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s not fair, it’s not right; what she’s done to you is unacceptable! But, you can heal from her abuse!

I’m a trauma therapist and if you would like to work with me, I’m offering one free session of trauma therapy ONLINE, simply send me a message at www.khanselma.com/contact to book your first session. I always answer my emails within 24 hours.

3. Grandiosity & Entitlement

The narcissistic mother hasn’t evolved beyond her childhood years and clings to delusional fantasies of being grand, important, and special. She’ll cling to this belief strongly because it covers her deep feelings of inadequacy, and her identity and self-esteem depend on others’ opinions of her. That’s why she gets so pissed when you challenge or question her in any way.

If you don’t agree with her being “perfect,” it hurts her fragile sense of self. She spends her life arguing and trying to prove she’s more beautiful, brilliant, and better than everyone else, sadly including you. In her mind, she’s entitled to special treatment. If you disagree, disobey, or do anything she disapproves of, she’ll hate on you like her worst enemy. Her logic is simple: she deserves everything good because she’s superior to the rest of humanity. She’ll say things like, “I shouldn’t have to stand in line” or “I’m not going to follow the rules like everyone else” to express her entitlement.

4. She will get jealous, envious & defensive when challenged

If you challenge your narcissistic mother, whether it’s disagreeing with her or questioning her advice, it triggers extreme defensiveness. She’s uncomfortable with any perceived criticism or anything that questions her “absolute brilliance.” The same defensiveness will show if you dare to confront her about her behaviour. And if you’ve ever labelled her as a narcissist, she will call you the narcissist and give you a list of reasons why (which will be everything she does to you!). Calling out a narcissist on their behaviour is never a good idea.

Growing up with her, you may have noticed her becoming increasingly jealous and envious of you. This shift occurs because you’re evolving from a “flat-chested little girl,” whom she didn’t see as a threat, into a young woman who is suddenly seen as a rival. Her insecurities increase as you grow older because you’re beginning to change from a little girl who idealized her mother into a teenager who is beginning to challenge her (intentionally or unintentionally).

She loves being in the teacher role, and when that changes, it’s replaced with jealousy and envy. For instance, a client of mine told her mom that she was thinking about starting her own business, hoping for support. Instead, her mom responded with silence, followed by discouraging remarks like “Maybe you should stick to what you’re doing; running a business requires a lot of ambition, and you know that you’re very lazy.” These comments left my client feeling incapable, not good enough, and burdened with the false belief that she is lazy!

When the narcissistic mother sees you pursuing your dreams, she feels challenged and her insecurities are triggered. To make things more confusing, she might even say, “But you know what, maybe I can help you with some brainstorming ideas, let’s do it!” Don’t mistake this as a gesture of love — it is a put-down. She’s only helping you to stay in the teacher role because it meets her needs. A mother who truly loves you would only encourage you to pursue your dreams, discussing possible challenges from a place of compassion and concern, not jealousy or feeling challenged.

It’s like she’s saying, “Go for it, but don’t get your hopes up because you’ll likely fail. Besides, you need to understand that anything you can do, I can do better.” This form of abuse confuses many daughters because of the internal conflict it creates. One part of you believes your mom cares about you, and another part believes “Mom’s probably right, I’m never going to be good enough.”

The focus should be on questioning her behaviour — her bullying, put-downs, and criticism of you. She is the problem, not you or your abilities. If anything, she knows just how capable you are, which is why she feels the need to put you down. She feels threatened by you and your capabilities.

5. She lacks empathy

Perhaps the most toxic and dangerous trait of the narcissistic mother is her lack of empathy. She’s simply not interested in you or how you’re feeling. Her focus is solely on herself. While those of us with empathy can easily understand and feel for others’ suffering, a narcissist cannot. They lack the ability to empathize and don’t care about others, even if they could understand.

However, narcissistic mothers may fake empathy at times to get their needs met (known as “love-bombing”). For instance, she may care for you when you’re sick, take you to an activity you wanted to go to, or give you a desired gift. But make no mistake — it’s all fake. Later, she’ll guilt-trip you if you dare to say no to her, saying things like, “I took care of you when you were sick, and you’re so ungrateful” or “I took you to your favorite place, and all you can think about is yourself. You’re the most selfish daughter in the world!” If you have a mother like this, you know exactly what I mean.

I’m deeply sorry if you can relate to this, as I know first-hand the devastating effects growing up with a narcissistic parent has on your self-esteem, self-confidence, and your self-worth! The hurt and loneliness you feel as a daughter of a narcissistic mother can be overwhelming, especially when you realize her true nature. While this realization can be freeing, it also triggers a tsunami of emotions like grief, anger, confusion, and post traumatic stress. I understand that “lack of empathy” barely scratches the surface of the turmoil and sadness you’ve endured growing up with her.

I’m a trauma therapist and if you would like to work with me, I’m offering one free session of trauma therapy ONLINE, simply send me a message at www.khanselma.com/contact to book your first session. I always answer my emails within 24 hours.

6. Drama, deflection & denial

The narcissistic mother always brings drama into any situation. Her constant mind games, making a mountain out of a molehill, and blatant lies, leave you feeling drained, invalidated, and doubting your own thoughts. Even after the shortest conversations with her, you’re left feeling guilty and confused, as she convinces you that you’re the source of all her pain and difficulties in life.

If you call her out on her bullsh**, she might respond with, “This is so difficult for me. You make it sound like I’m the worst mother in the world. I really can’t deal with your anger right now.” By reacting this way, she’s not only being dramatic but also skilfully shifting the blame onto you. Making it seem as if you are the problem. Whenever she feels uncomfortable or cornered, she will deflect by making you feel what she doesn’t want to feel – guilty, uncomfortable, questioned, invalidated, stressed out, responsible, attacked. This is why you feel so horrible most of the time dealing with her. What’s worse, you can end taking care of her hurt feelings, even when you’re the one who’s been hurt.

The role reversal between a narcissistic mother and daughter is common, often leading to the daughter becoming the mothers emotional caretaker. Many daughters develop people-pleasing behaviours, trying to “fix” others, whether partners, friends, or anyone in need. You may be going out of your way in adulthood to help people who have no interest in being rescued, but are very interested in taking advantage of your empathy, time, and energy. In other words, it’s common for daughters of narcissistic and toxic mothers to also marry or get romantically involved with partners who are narcissistic. They won’t be exact copies of your mother, but essentially, they will make you feel the same way that she made you feel growing up.

Regarding your mother’s deflecting behaviour, when she deflects, she refuses to take responsibility for her actions and shifts the blame onto you (blame-shifting). She won’t even consider the possibility that she could be wrong. She can’t allow you or anyone to tarnish the image of “perfection” that she’s created for herself. This leaves you in a really shitty place because you’ll feel like you can’t have an honest conversation with her. If you still keep trying, she’ll flat-out deny your version of what happened. This whole cycle can make you feel worthless, guilty, and like you’re going crazy all at the same time, which leads us to the next point: gaslighting.

7. Lying & Gaslighting

A part of you may cling to the hope that she’ll change or admit to her wrongdoings if only she could see how much she’s hurting you. But each time, it’s the same old thing: deflection, drama, and denial. But she can go to greater lengths than that, such as lying and gaslighting.

She’ll lie about promises she made, about what she did, even if you were there and saw it happen! She’ll distort what you said or did. If you call her out on her lies, she’ll call you the liar! Gaslighting is another infuriating tool she constantly uses to make you feel disoriented, confused, and doubting your reality. She might say, “I never said that,” “That never happened,” or “Are you sure you didn’t dream this?” She’ll dismiss your concerns with, “I was just joking, don’t you know how to take a joke?” or “You always take me the wrong way, why do you do that?”

This insidious form of abuse can make you feel like you’re going crazy or that something’s seriously wrong with your memory. Gaslighting makes you doubt your thoughts, perception, and creates feelings of guilt. You may think, “Is she right? Did I imagine her telling me she never wished for a girl?” and “Maybe mom’s right, I can’t let things go, and I’m probably the liar, not her.”

Here’s a reminder for you: You did NOT imagine anything! Your memory is correct! The hurtful things she’s done and said to you are real. Your memories are as real as you reading this sentence right now. A loving mother (and person) will NEVER make you doubt your reality and make you feel like you’re going crazy. She would validate your feelings, show curiosity to understand you better, and admit where she’s wrong. A healthy mother would also take responsibility and apologize whenever she is wrong. Stating the obvious, a healthy mother would never need to apologize as much as a toxic mother because a healthy mother’s purpose of raising you is for you to become a secure, compassionate, confident, and strong adult. So despite what your narcissistic mother wants you to believe, trust me, you’re completely sane. She on the other hand, is not.

8. Love-bombing / Pretend-love

When the narcissistic mother feels confident and has gotten exactly what she wanted from you and everyone else, it can feel pleasant to be around her. When she feels like you’re not challenging her and you’re right where she wants you to be, her erratic behaviour stops for a while. She then turns into what seems like “a good mother,” portraying herself as calm, confident, kind, and supportive. You may have never seen this side of her, as not all narcissistic mothers engage in love-bombing behaviours. But if your mother used to love-bomb you from time to time, you’ll relate to this point. You may remember many times when you were young when your mother showed signs of being a “good mother”.

It’s easy for her to be in the role of teacher and idol so you can constantly look up to her for everything and she stays in a position of power most of the time. But as soon as you begin to challenge her in any way, usually as you grow older, she’ll go back to being the critical, cruel, and devaluing mother again. As established in this article, you don’t have to do anything for her to be triggered; the perception of “having enough for the time being” and “never having enough” is all in her head. It has nothing to do with you, but all the same, as a young daughter you have to take the consequences of her fluctuating state of mind.

The constant shift between “good mother” and “bad mother” leaves you feeling deeply confused, always hoping for the “good mother” to stick around. You wish for her to be kind 100% (or even 30%) of the time instead of 5% of the time. But that hope is like wishing for a lion to stay full forever after a meal — the fullness is only temporary satisfaction before hunger returns. Living with a narcissistic mother is a little bit like living with a lion; you have to keep feeding it, never knowing when it will decide to nibble at you or make you the prey for its next meal.

True love requires empathy and self-reflection, qualities lacking in a narcissistic mother. She may shower you with compliments, gifts, and grandiose fantasies, praising what you do for her or things you do that make her look good, rather than who you are as an individual. This just places you on a pedestal and when she pushes you off the pedestal, it will hurt to fall off.

Even when she gives you what you want, it’s always self-serving. She feels good seeing you as a helpless daughter who needs her mom to rescue her and she gets to be in the teacher role again. She may help you so that she can feel special, or to later guilt-trip you with “I helped you out, and this is how you thank me?” And if you succeed in your achievements, she’ll take the credit saying “My daughter succeeded” making herself look good! This is how the narcissistic mother operates. Unfortunately, love isn’t part of the equation when she shows kindness or offers you help.

I’m a trauma therapist and if you would like to work with me, I’m offering one free session of trauma therapy ONLINE, simply send me a message at www.khanselma.com/contact to book your first session. I always answer my emails within 24 hours.

9. Narcissistic Rage – When the lion awakens

When the narcissistic mother feels as if life has disappointed her or she experiences a sense of disloyalty from you, she can get extremely angry. She’ll lash out at you which  can be a terrifying experience for a daughter, young or old. She’ll have zero regard to how her rage will affect you. It can be as simple as you not calling her back at the exact time she needed you, because you were busy at work. Her rage can even be set off when you do something nice for her.

One of my clients, Holly, told me that when she was a kid, she decided to clean the house while her mom was away for the day. She made sure to put in extra effort to make her mother happy. However, when her mother returned, she started yelling and cursing at Holly, who was absolutely terrified, shocked, and confused. She couldn’t understand what she did wrong.

Her mother’s narcissistic ego had been hurt because she believed that by cleaning the house, Holly implied that she was an incapable mother who could not take care of a house! There is no telling when or for what reason the narcissistic mother will rage at you. It can feel like you’re walking on eggshells, no matter what you do or don’t do, you’re living in a danger zone, not knowing what will tick her off next. As if living with a lion, you can’t ever be safe.

10. Competitive

As you grow older, the narcissistic mom becomes more competitive. There’s a sense of rivalry between you and her, one you never wanted to participate in. She sees you as competition because her beauty is fading with age, and seeing your youthfulness triggers her insecurities. If she couldn’t achieve her dreams, your aspirations become a threat to her. One of my clients shared that her mother even went as far as changing her hairstyle because her daughter’s hair was straight and hers was curly. She did this to compete with her daughter’s looks, especially as she became a teenager. If you dream of becoming a doctor, she will say hurtful things like, “You’re not cut out to be a doctor. I could’ve been one if my dad hadn’t held me back. I was top of my class, and I have a very nurturing personality.” It stings when she undermines your confidence and blatantly lies about having a nurturing personality. At the same time, you may also notice that a part of you feels sorry for her. The underlying messages she wants you to believe are “Don’t ever outshine your mother” and “Your job is to validate my feelings and feel sorry for me because I am the victim here. I had a difficult childhood unlike you.”

It’s so confusing for you as a daughter to navigate through these mixed messages that dismiss your feelings and desires to reach your goals. By constantly stopping you from moving ahead in life, she covers up her insecurities and tries to make you fail, just like she did. It’s a twisted tactic of control and power that leaves emotional scars taking years to heal. It’s common for daughters to ask, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough for her love and support?” or to hear a voice in your head that sounds just like your mother saying, “You’re not capable of making good decisions”.

A healthy mother will never squash your confidence or say you’re incapable of reaching your goals. She’ll encourage and believe in you, supporting you in every way. She’ll remember her own childhood and teenage years and feel compassion for her daughter, understanding that she’s trying to navigate becoming a young woman, figuring out what boys are like, and adjusting to a changing body. But the narcissistic mother can’t show you any compassion because at her core, she feels a terrible sense of deprivation and an insatiable hunger of never having enough. This need for competition comes from her feelings of emptiness. Anyone’s gain, even her own daughter’s, keeps her from filling the hole inside.

11. She will play you & your siblings against each other

She manipulates you and your siblings, stirring up conflict between you. A narcissistic mother doesn’t want you to form connections with anyone in the family other than her. She sees your bond with your siblings and your dad as a threat to her being the centre of attention. She also enjoys it when you come to her complaining about your siblings, because she gets to be the “hero” of the story. She gets to rescue you from your “selfish” siblings, and of course, she’ll call you selfish behind your back and your sibling selfish behind their back. These twisted mind games help her keep the power in the family, leaving you feeling isolated and confused. She also feels extremely jealous of your close ties with your siblings because it taps into her insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. She craves undivided attention from everyone, unwilling to share the spotlight.

12. She needs to appear perfect

She’s obsessed with looking perfect. Narcissistic moms can’t stand being seen as anything less than flawless. She’ll do whatever it takes to make it seem like she’s an amazing parent. She’ll brag about her parenting skills and her kids’ accomplishments, hiding any mistakes or failures. For her, success isn’t about what she actually does, but what she can make others believe she does. She will trick your friends, colleagues, teachers, and an entire community of people into believing the blatant lie, that she’s the best mother on the planet. She’ll showcase your and your siblings’ successes as if they reflect on her “good mothering”. And the scary thing? Most people believe her. If you’ve always asked the question “Why did everyone believe her?” long into your adulthood, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Almost every daughter of a narcissistic mother asks the same thing.

The answer to this question is: They believe her because the narcissistic mother is an expert at getting what she wants from people using charm, manipulation, and fake empathy. She does this because of the insatiable hunger for validation and admiration from others, as previously mentioned. Maintaining the illusion of perfection is crucial for her self-esteem. Deep down, however, she feels insecure and inadequate, and projecting an image of perfection allows her to mask these feelings and maintain a sense of control and superiority.

13. Doesn’t care about your boundaries

Narcissistic mothers crave control and power, completely ignoring your needs and boundaries. In a healthy relationship, parents respect their child’s limits, acknowledging that they can’t control every aspect of their children’s life. However, the narcissistic mother doesn’t follow these rules. She doesn’t care about your boundaries, no matter how many times you tell her. She’ll return to her abusive tools to gain control over you.

She’ll use gaslighting, lies, manipulation techniques, guilt-tripping, pushiness, neediness, and everything else required to get what she wants from you. For example, one of my clients had gone no contact with her mother who had NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder), so she was a narcissist. Going no contact is the ultimate way of setting a boundary. But her mother didn’t give a damn about her daughter’s boundaries, so she kept calling and texting her from different phone numbers when her initial numbers got blocked. She was relentless and tried as hard as she could to regain control, elicit a response from her daughter, and get back her source of narcissistic supply (admiration, approval, and validation). My client stayed strong and was able to not respond to her mother’s attempts to reel her back into the cycle of abuse.

If this is happening to you right now or has happened to you, just know that this is completely unacceptable and intrusive. She has no right to cross your boundaries, no matter what her reasons may be; she’s in the wrong, and this behaviour is toxic. I have a lot of compassion for you; I truly understand the impact that narcissistic abuse has on your mind, body, and soul. I’ve personally experienced this in my  past but I’ve healed from it and now I help my clients to heal from it too. It takes time, of course, but it is 100% possible to heal through trauma therapy.

I’m a trauma therapist and if you would like to work with me, I’m offering one free session of trauma therapy ONLINE, simply send me a message at www.khanselma.com/contact to book your first session. I always answer my emails within 24 hours.

14. She treats you nicely in public

It’s very common for the narcissistic mom to treat you well in public. She doesn’t want to look bad in front of other people, remember? So treating you nicely even if it’s not genuine, is important for her to keep up with appearances. Growing up with her being harsh, distant and critical behind closed doors to later turning into “good mom” in public is very confusing for a daughter. Many daughters describe it as “mom had two sides, one good, one almost evil.”

If this is how she was with you, it’s important to understand that this is all part of her manipulative tactics to make herself look good in other people’s eyes. If she started criticizing you or acting as irrationally as she does at home, people would notice, and some might even confront her about it. She would never tolerate that because of her fragile ego. This behaviour can leave you feeling like you’re just a tool for her to use and showcase at her disposal, making you feel worthless.

On the other hand, one part of you may have felt a sense of validation and pride when your mother showcased your achievements or offered affection toward you in public. When you’re starved of your basic needs, especially as a child, any form of affection can make you feel like your thirst has been quenched after days without water. Remember that everything you felt as a child and what you feel as an adult is completely normal! You are normal; you are the healthy one, but what she did to you is wrong and abusive. The trauma that comes from being a victim of narcissistic abuse is very painful and damaging, but healing is very much possible through trauma therapy.

15. She will punish you with the silent treatment

The narcissistic mother has many ways to hurt you, but the silent treatment might be the cruelest, especially for a child. If you’ve experienced it, you know exactly how it feels. Suddenly, she just stops talking to you. Maybe you know why, maybe you don’t; it doesn’t matter because when she shuts you out, she behaves as if you don’t exist.

This can happen even when others are around, like family. She’ll chat, laugh, and connect with them while completely ignoring you. If she has to communicate with you, she’ll use someone else, like your father, saying something passive-aggressive like, “Can you tell your daughter to wash her own clothes?” This kind of communication, called triangulation, is toxic for obvious reasons.

You’re left feeling frustrated, miserable, and in agony because the lack of connection with her makes you feel abandoned. The anticipation of what’s next drives you crazy, not knowing when she’ll start talking again, and what she’ll say or do. Many daughters say, “I’d rather she just yell at me than stay silent.” Growing up with this treatment, especially from your mother, fills you with deep shame, guilt, and worthlessness.

Questions like: Why isn’t she talking to me? What did I do wrong? What can I do to make her talk to me again? Will she ever talk to me? Why does my mother not love me? The list of questions that can come up for you as a child facing silent treatment is endless. This total neglect of your existence deeply scars a child, and it’s crucial to know that this punishment has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with her. You never did anything wrong; you were never unlovable or worthless. You were just a child! And every child deserves to be loved, seen, supported, protected, and cared for.

The reasons the narcissistic mother uses the silent treatment are many. One reason is to make you feel guilty, to apologize for some perceived injustice, to coerce you into doing something you don’t really want to do, or to gaslight you (make you doubt yourself). She throws a tantrum because she isn’t getting what she wants, displaying her utter lack of emotional maturity. She’s incapable of dealing with her own emotions and expects you, her young daughter, to cope with her mother’s emotions! It’s absurd.

Another reason for the silent treatment is playing the victim, with a narrative of “Poor me, no one understands me, my daughter only thinks of herself, nothing goes my way” on repeat. She may express her countless victim stories to you and the family so often that you feel exhausted. This behaviour is also referred to as trauma dumping (oversharing with zero intention of change).

In case:

• You’re realizing that your mother is narcissistic and feeling overwhelmed, lost, sad, hurt, and confused.
• You want to understand more about narcissistic abuse.
• You feel angry and sad at the same time and don’t know how to deal with your emotions.
• You keep doing more to make your mother happy, but nothing is ever enough.
• You know she’s narcissistic and are ready to go no contact but don’t know how or where to begin.
• One part of you wants to go no contact & another part doesn’t want to out of guilt, loyalty, and obligation.
• You’ve gone no contact but feel overwhelmed dealing with the emotional aftereffects of it.
• You’re exhausted from being responsible for your narcissistic mother’s happiness.
• You want to have answers to your questions.
• You want to heal the trauma of narcissistic abuse.
• You’re fed up with your mother’s abuse.

and relate to any of these, do not hesitate to contact me.

Narcissistic abuse causes trauma to the brain and body, so getting the right help to heal is crucial. You can be free from the intense and overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, anger, grief, confusion, self-blame, self-doubt, and everything else that comes with being a victim of narcissistic abuse.

You can break free; you can heal and recover. You can regain your sense of self, feel lighter, stronger, and more capable than you’ve ever felt before. There is an innate wisdom and ability within you to heal from whatever you’ve been through. My job as your therapist will be to help you find this wisdom & compassion (called “Self” in Internal Family Systems therapy) so that your brain and body can begin its natural ability to heal and process trauma.

As a trauma therapist, I have extensive experience in helping daughters (and other trauma survivors) heal from narcissistic abuse and other traumas using a combination of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Sensorimotor psychotherapy. Both are evidence-based trauma treatments. I have seen them recover, build healthy relationships, get out of toxic ones, and establish healthy boundaries. When necessary, I’ve helped them to go no contact as well. I’ve seen clients get out of survival mode and hypervigilance and step into their confidence, calm, and clarity of mind.

I really hope this article was helpful to you in some way. Subscribe to my newsletters to get updates and some other content that I share through my newsletters.

If you would like to read about another toxic dynamic between daughter and mother called enmeshment trauma which has many similarities with narcissism you’ll find this article helpful: 13 signs your relationship with your mom is toxic and enmeshed.

Do you know someone who can benefit from reading this article? Share it with them.

If you would like to work with me, I’m offering one free session of trauma therapy ONLINE, simply send me a message at www.khanselma.com/contact to book your first session.  I always answer my emails within 24 hours. I look forward hearing from you and potentially working together with you to begin your healing process.

With compassion,

Selma

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