Emotional Wisdom

Best friends with your mom? You may be enmeshed, here are 10 things you can do.

If you’ve grown up being told that you’re best friends with your mom and that this is a good thing, you are not alone. You might have grown up with people around you envying your relationship with your mom saying things like “wow you’re so lucky, I wish me and my mom were that close”. Being close to your mom isn’t a bad thing, but if this closeness starts to make you feel suffocated, it’s called enmeshment between mother and daughter. Enmeshment trauma is like feeling sucked into your mothers emotional vortex of drama every time she feels low or annoyed by something you or someone else did. You may have to put your entire life on hold because your mom is deciding to have another tantrum because a) her boyfriend left her (again), b) She’s really anxious about how your sister treated her yesterday or c) She doesn’t feel satisfied in life and she lowkey blames you for it, this my dear, is not friendship on any level. This is enmeshment trauma which means there are no boundaries between the two of you. You feel like you need to carry the emotional burden of taking care of your mom as if she’s your child and not the other way around. You turn yourself inside out in order to please her, but all you hear are sighs of disappointment and complaints on how you should give more next and stop being the most “selfish” person in the world. It’s as if she actually believes you can split yourself into multiple clones to quickly and perfectly adjust to the roles of surrogate husband, therapist, BFFs on ‘Sex and the City,’ personal nurse, financial planner, and hey, while you’re at it, you might as well offer her a place to live now that you’re an adult and making money.

Oh, and don’t forget her allowance each week so she can do personal shopping and fulfil all her other needs with your hard-earned money. What’s next? Is she going to kick your hubby out of your bed so that she can sleep next to you? Unfortunately, scenarios like these actually happen when it comes to enmeshment trauma! If you feel like you are going mad and that you can’t win no matter what you do, if you feel confused and overwhelmed with guilt every time you think of saying no to her, do not lose hope—I am here to help! In this article, I will share with you 10 ways that you can protect yourself from your mother’s smothering and unreasonable demands on you. I will share real client examples so that you can learn from their journeys of healing from enmeshment trauma with Mom. So let’s dive in.

1. Awareness and acceptance

If you’ve found yourself reading this article, chances are you’re starting to become aware that something is wrong in your relationship with your mom. You might have realized that she’s too involved in your life to the point where you start to feel suffocated and drained of energy. Maybe she’s living with you or insists that you call her every day so she can tell you the latest drama in the family or in her personal life. She doesn’t respect that you have your own life, family, or other things to do, if you try to set boundaries, she’ll make you feel so guilty that you end up giving her everything she wants, at your own expense. You may notice that she wants to be part of everything, and you’re not sure where you end and she begins. You may also be aware that when she finds a new partner, a new hobby, or anything else that brings her happiness, she may distance herself from you temporarily. But when she breaks up or has a fight with her partner, she may come rushing back to you like a child needing comfort and soothing. Meanwhile, you feel drained, confused, angry, inadequate, stretching yourself too thin, and bending over backwards to meet all her needs, but it’s just not enough.

If you’re starting to see some of these patterns as unhealthy and not right, this is a very important first step. I acknowledge your courage to start looking into these things. Accepting that things aren’t picture-perfect isn’t easy, and I understand why you’re looking for answers. You’re most likely still attached to your mother and love her dearly but your mother is getting more and more demanding as time passes and nothing you do seems good enough for her. You feel as if you must take care of her needs, but as you try to, she only criticizes you for doing it wrong. When you talk to her about any of this, she may deny it completely, claim that you’re exaggerating, blame you for doing things wrongly, stating that this is the reason for her behaviour. She never takes accountability or looks at herself; somehow, every discussion you have with her ends up being about your “inadequacy”.

2. Reflect on your emotional independence and dependence on her

Dependency acts as the soil from which the roots of a mother-daughter enmeshed relationship grow, while confusion and guilt are the weeds that sprout in the garden. The antidote to confusion is clarity, and the antidote to guilt is placing responsibility where it belongs. In other words, you got to rip the weeds from their roots! Let me guide you through an exercise to help you gain clarity on your relationship. Grab a pen and paper (no devices) and create two columns. In one column, write “What my mom does for me with or without conditions,” and in the other, write “What I do for mom with or without conditions.” Be honest as you begin writing. For example, a client of mine listed what her mom does for her: Listens to her at times, helps with the kids occasionally, cooks when she’s around, provides financial support, plans activities, and checks in on her. In the other column, she listed some of the things she does for her mom: Listens to her mother for hours every day, validates her feelings, offers support, spends time together, assists with personal problems and runs her errands, gives advice, accompanies her to appointments, allows visits at all hours of the day without any prior notice, follows her mother’s advice even when she disagrees, and remains silent when criticized.

Now, turn a new page and create two columns again. The first headline should be:

  1. What mom does for me with or without conditions.

And the second headline should be:

  1. What I do for mom with or without conditions.

enmeshment trauma

My client recognized that everything her mom does for her is conditional, whereas her actions for her mom are unconditional. This exercise is designed to shed light on the enmeshed dynamic in your relationship, highlighting the lack of boundaries, mutuality, and role reversal where you take on the parental role. Be kind to yourself during this exercise; it can bring up painful realizations. Remember, clarity brings truth, and though it may be difficult, you now have the resources to confront and address these issues as an adult, you’re no longer dependent on your mother for survival.

3. Understand your internal conflicts – When you want to say no but you say yes to her

Review your list of things you do for her and recall moments when you reluctantly said yes just to please her. Circle the items on your list where you felt torn about your response. For instance, Lindy, one of my clients, realized she often felt conflicted about going out to dinner with her mom, one part of her wanted to say yes another no. The part that wanted to say yes always seemed to win. When her mom called to gossip or unload her worries, Lindy experienced inner panic, yet felt compelled to answer because she heard a voice inside saying “It’s your mom, you have to pick up.” I told Lindy that this is a conflict between two parts of herself. One parts that panics when mom calls and doesn’t want to pick up, another who feels compelled to answer the phone. I helped her to focus internally on these parts and listen to both of them, but one at a time. In this way, she was able to resolve this inner conflict and by doing so gain the clarity she needed.

If you need help with internal conflicts, remember you can book a free 60-minute session with me to try out IFS therapy and see if we’re a good fit. Book your free session at www.khanselma.com/contact.

To speak to different parts of yourself, try this exercise that’s similar to how we work in IFS therapy (but it’s not a therapy replacement). Close your eyes and imagine a round table, then ask out loud or internally, “The parts of me that are in conflict about mom calling, you’re welcome to take a seat around the table”. If they show up, ask the parts to sit down and focus on the one that’s the loudest, like Lindy’s example. Let’s say there’s a part that always answers the phone when your mom calls. Focus on that part. Be curious and ask it these questions:

  1. What do you do for me? How are you trying to help me?
  2. How long have you been trying to help me or do what you do for me?
  3. Why is it important for you to be in this role? What is your intention for me?
  4. What is your understanding of what the other part of me is trying to do and why do you think it does that?
  5. What are you afraid will happen if the other part doesn’t pick up the phone?
  6. What do you need?

Now, turn towards the part of you that doesn’t feel like answering the phone. Ask this part the same questions. Change question five to: What are you worried might happen if the other part answers the phone? This exercise will help you understand why you are having this internal conflict and the feelings behind it better, and you may notice that you feel a bit calmer inside. This will also help the two parts who are in conflict with each other to understand one another better. If you feel some appreciation towards these parts for working so hard, maybe send them a thank you.

4. How would an ideal relationship with your mom look like, if you had a magic wand?

Take a moment to grab a pen and paper. Write down a title that says, “This is how I would like my perfect mother-daughter relationship to be like.” If you’re feeling stuck or even a bit sad because you’re not sure what to write, that’s totally okay. It’s normal to feel this way, especially if your relationship with your mom hasn’t given you much room to express yourself. But that’s exactly why I want you to think about this question. This is your chance to dream and imagine the kind of relationship you’d love to have with your mom, without her input.

Once done, turn the page and write a new headline: “This is how my relationship with mom REALLY looks like today.” It’s time to write down the truth about your current relationship with your mom. Don’t hold back, even if you hear parts or voices saying, “You’re exaggerating. She’s not that bad. She’s done good things too. She didn’t mean it.” Acknowledge the voices but keep writing anyway. After completing this exercise, take a moment to notice the feelings that surface and the insights you’ve gained. Are you feeling sad, hurt, surprised, shocked? Whatever emotions arise, I want you to write them down on a separate page under the headline: “This is how I feel after doing this exercise and this is what I realized.”

During IFS therapy, I typically don’t assign exercises because they’re not necessary. However, Lindy wanted to give this exercise a try, and here’s how it helped her. She discovered that a part of her yearned for a relationship with her mom that was far removed from their current reality, and this realization brought her to tears. She wasn’t just crying; she was grieving. Grieving the realization that her mother wasn’t and won’t ever be the idealized version of a mom that her younger self (often referred to as exiled parts in IFS) had hoped for was incredibly painful. However, it was also liberating in its own way. It freed her from the burden of living a lie. This process of facing the truth was essential for her healing, enabling her to work through the complex emotions that arises from enmeshment trauma with her mom.

5. Notice how you feel when you’re around her

When you’re enmeshed with your mother, it’s difficult to know what you feel when you’re around her. Even when you’re not around her, it’s hard. Think of the enmeshed relationship as if you and your mom were two pieces of clay but instead of being separate you stick together! Now, it’s hard to know where your feelings end and hers begin. An enmeshed mother wants you to forget about your feelings, thoughts and needs so that you believe her feelings and needs are the same as yours. This is high levels of manipulation, make no mistake of that. When she succeeds with that level of brainwashing, she doesn’t need to tell you what she needs or feels, you’ll simply know it.

Think of a time when you’ve tried to assert yourself, as all children do when they get to an age of individualizing and naturally separating from their parents. In a healthy parent-child relationship, this behaviour is encouraged. But when the mother is enmeshed with you, the same behaviour is met with anger, discouragement, and shame. For example, if you said “No! This is mine!” when you were a child, and your mother answered, “How dare you say no to me? I’m your mother and what’s yours is mine! Don’t you dare show me that kind of attitude ever again, young lady!” Another response that fosters enmeshment can look like “You made mommy sad now, don’t you care about mommy’s feelings? If you say no to mommy, you don’t love mommy.” These responses create shame, guilt, and fear in you all at once. Guilt because you feel as if you hurt your mom’s feelings by asserting yourself. Lesson learnt as a child? Never assert yourself if you want your mom to love you. Boom! Your mom taught you to neglect your own needs and focus on hers.

Shame because you feel like you’re not good enough for your mothers love unless you change and become what she wants you to be. Lesson learnt? Always try harder to please mom, no matter what I feel. And let’s not forget the fear of mom leaving you or withholding her love if you don’t make her happy at all times. The lessons your enmeshed mother is teaching you over time are many; “Don’t have needs, don’t be needy, and never say no to your mom.” In her twisted world view, the enmeshed mother believes that she’s the only one who can have needs, wants, desires, and the right to express herself fully. Whereas you have to ignore your feelings, push them aside, and become laser-focused on how your mom feels, thinks, and behaves. In this way she gets as much control over your life as possible. This is why this exercise is going to be so crucial and helpful to you.

Today, you’re most likely an adult if you’re reading this. You’re not a helpless child anymore. So when you meet your mom or talk to her next, I want you to begin to notice what YOU feel as she behaves the way she always does. When she shuts you down, do you feel neglected? Hurt? Angry? Irritated? Write it down. When she goes on and on about her issues without asking you how you’re doing or perhaps giving you only 5 minutes to talk about yourself whereas she takes 2 hours to talk about herself, how does that make you feel? Upset? Uncomfortable? Overwhelmed? Suffocated? Powerless? Insignificant? Whatever you feel, write it down. When your mother intrudes into your space, telling you what to do, how to think, making inappropriate comments about your life choices, how does that make you feel? Does any part of you want to yell “That’s enough mom!”? Do you feel scared? Do you feel small? Do you feel sad? Do you feel like you’re not good enough? Do you feel anxious? Write it down. Add as many examples as you can think of on this list of how you feel when you interact with your mother. Do this privately, don’t make the mistake of sharing any of this with her in an attempt to make her understand that this is enmeshment trauma.

Once you have a list of your emotions, make sure to spot the lines where you’ve written “I feel like I’m disappointing mom when she says I’m not good enough.” This is the part of you that’s fused with her speaking. The one that feels things based on what she’s feeling. The sentences should be like so “I feel (emotion) when mom does (behaviour)” so, for example, “I feel pissed off when mom tells me that my life is a mess and I should’ve listened to her advice on what career to choose.” Once you have a list of your emotions when you’re around her or interact with her, turn to a new page and write down what you realized from doing this exercise. Was it surprising to see how much she triggers you? Did you feel sad realizing how many emotions you feel around her that you’ve never really allowed to be mentioned before? Whatever comes up for you, write it down too. This is going to give you clarity and foster a separation between you and her. You’re not the same! You’re allowed and supposed to be different, and your feelings, thoughts, and needs matter! If you feel like you’re ready to book a session right now to begin your healing journey from enmeshment trauma you can book your free 60 minute session with me by sending me a message right here www.khanselma.com/contact.

 6. Notice how your body reacts when you’re around your enmeshed mother

A very important factor that can help you understand yourself better is your body. In IFS and Sensorimotor psychotherapy, which are evidence-based treatments for healing trauma, the body is a very important tool for healing and understanding yourself. Your body is wise, remembering everything you’ve been through, and it clearly expresses what feels right and wrong. This includes moments when your body’s boundaries have been crossed or when your body feels safe and relaxed. However, when it comes to enmeshment trauma, your mother has taught you to ignore your bodily reactions. The enmeshed mother wants your focus to be on her feelings, needs and yes her body too. If she is ill, she will expect you to care for her, if she needs a hug, she will ask you to cuddle her and even crawl into your bed, if she has neck pain she may guilt you into giving her a massage to soothe her aching body.

The enmeshed mother can even ask you to not lock the door when you’re in the bathroom. She can even ask you to scrub her back in the shower or tend to wounds that’s appropriate for a nurse or her partner to take care of, not her daughter. When it comes to most of these behaviours, they can be categorized within the area of emotional incest (or covert sexual abuse). Since enmeshment involves blurred boundaries, it can be difficult to know what’s normal and what isn’t. I want you to write down on a new page in your notebook the headline “How my body reacts when I’m around my mom.”

Do your shoulders feel tense when she does or says something in particular? Do you physically back away when she tries to come close, adjusts your hair, or becomes touchy with you? Do you cross your arms a lot when you’re around her? Does your body freeze at times as if you cannot move at all? Do you breathe fast or slow, shallow or deep? Do you get a headache during or after a conversation with her? Do your hands feel cold or does any other part of your body get a certain temperature when you’re around your mom? Do you notice a lump in your throat, as if you’re ready to cry but something stops it from happening? Do you feel a pit in your stomach? Beginning to notice how you feel when you’re around her will give you a lot of insight into what impact she has on your physical body.

Most of the time, thoughts, feelings, and body sensations are connected anyway. In order for you to really understand the point of doing this, also notice how your body feels when you’re with someone whom you trust and feel safe with. Notice the difference in how your body responds. All the uncomfortable sensations in your body that you notice when you’re around her are signs that you do not feel safe with her. They are signs that something isn’t right between you, and listening to these sensations can be a wise thing to do rather than ignoring them, which you may have had to do throughout childhood in order to survive. It may not have been safe to listen to your body when you were a child, but today, you’re an adult and you can and have the right to listen to what your body has to say.

Make a list of your body sensations with the headline “This is how my body reacts when I’m around my mom.” Write in as much detail as you can, for example, “When mom dismisses me, I notice my jaw clenching” or “When mom calls me in the middle of work, I notice my stomach turning and my neck getting tense.” All these list writing exercises are for you to become more aware of how your entire system (thoughts, feelings, and body) feels in relationship with your mother. Sometimes doing this alone can create a breakthrough that can change a lot of your interactions with her or how you feel towards her. But more importantly, it can make you realize that you deserve to be treated with respect, love, and to be validated and seen by your mother. And that you do not deserve or continue to be condemned, dismissed, neglected, or feel as if your body goes into a torture chamber every time you interact with her!

7. What are you afraid of?

Many people write to me needing help to escape their enmeshed relationship with their mother. Someone expressed, “Help me, my mother has taken over my whole life. We are so severely enmeshed that I feel suffocated, and the thought of leaving her makes me feel guilty. I don’t know what to do or how to get out of this mess.” Another message said, “After reading your article, I realize that my mom is toxic and we are enmeshed. I don’t know what to do, but I think I need help to work through some of the things I’m starting to realize about our relationship.”

The need for help, clarity, and a sense of resolve is common. However, there’s a deeper question that people suffering from enmeshment trauma with their mother ask; “Will she change?”, “Will she ever love me the way I want to be loved?”, “Will she ever validate me, see me, and stop making me feel so horrible about myself?”, “Is it my fault? Can I change myself enough to make her understand that I love her?”, “Why do I feel so guilty and confused? No matter how much I do for her, why does she never acknowledge me?”.

enmeshment trauma

These questions touch on wounds you experienced as a child due to enmeshment trauma with your mother. Ask yourself, what are you afraid of? What are you afraid will happen if she can’t change? What will it mean to you if she never validates your feelings, thoughts, and experiences? What are you afraid will happen if she refuses to admit her responsibility and the pain she has caused you by never acknowledging the things you’ve done for her and how she made you feel? These questions can be very difficult to ask, and it’s okay if you don’t want to do that right now. However, if you feel courageous and curious, write down the answers that emerge because they hold the key to the deepest parts within you, carrying the deepest fears and burdens. If you can, show compassion towards these vulnerable parts of yourself. Perhaps it’s grief from a lost childhood or the loss of your mother’s love. Perhaps it’s the pain of abandonment and neglect. Perhaps it’s a sense of “I’ll never be good enough” or “It’s my fault she didn’t love me” – I want you to send compassion towards these parts of yourself. And if it helps you, think of these thoughts in this way – If you had a foster child to take care of, who had been treated in the exact way that you have been treated, how would you feel towards this foster child? If you would feel empathy and compassion towards that child, remember that you were only a child as well, just as tiny, fragile, innocent, small, and helpless as all children are. And all children deserve kindness, compassion, and support. It is NEVER a child’s fault for not being loved, respected and validated as a person.

8. FOG – Fear, Obligation & Guilt

An enmeshed mother keeps you in a fog, so you can stay in her lies and illusions. Staying in the fog keeps you searching for a way out, with her lies blocking your path. Imagine her abusive behaviour as whispers in the fog, convincing you to stay. FOG stands for fear, obligation, and guilt, powerful tools for toxic people to control you. Fear keeps you under her control, obligation forces you to please her, and guilt manipulates you into submission. The enmeshed mother will not hesitate to say things like “I’ve sacrificed everything for you” or “If you really loved me you would do this for me” or “You’re the most selfish person I know, you know how I feel and you can’t help me with this one thing?”. These statements are not true and are used to gaslight you, meaning, for you to doubt your own reality. When you’re enmeshed with your mom, the opposite of these statements is usually true. The fact is you probably go above and beyond, dropping important meetings, family time, sleep and other things in order to make her happy. The other truth is that your mother hasn’t really sacrificed much for you, in fact, the more you sacrifice for her, the more greedy she seems to get. So I urge you to be mindful, don’t believe these manipulative statements. Narcissistic mothers behave the same way using control and manipulation to gain power over you and your life. You can read more on narcissism in this article 6 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist.

Now, go back to point number two and write down the following question on a new page: “How many things I do for mom that’s out of Fear, Obligation and Guilt.” If you notice even one thing you do for her is out of FOG, you’re not in an equal loving relationship, rather, a relationship that’s based on control, power, and manipulation. This is abusive. Now, write down how you feel as you realize how many things you are doing for your enmeshed mother that are out of FOG. Does it make you feel hurt? Sad? Anxious? Angry? Numb? Are you gaslighting yourself? Telling yourself “It’s not that bad” or “My fear is more about me than her”. If you find yourself engaging in these thought patterns, recognize that this is how she has programmed you to think. Look at it as “whispers in the fog” trying to convince you to stay in it and believe your mother’s lies as your truth. But her lies and manipulations are not true, they are lies. When you leave the fog, you will gain clarity, awakening, and self-confidence and regain your sense of self. This exercise is part of the process where you finally step out of the fog into clear skies. Finally, write down what you realized during this exercise. 

9. Compassion, calm, connectedness and curiosity

Compassion, calm, connectedness, and curiosity – these are qualities lacking in an enmeshed mother’s treatment of her daughter. Let’s talk about why these qualities are important for a mother to have. Let’s take an example of a child who’s hurt or had a rough day at school. If her mom responded with, “I hear you, honey. I can see you’re upset, and it makes sense to me. I’m sorry that happened to you; it wasn’t fair. Do you want to tell me more about what happened and how it made you feel?”

enmeshment trauma

This empathetic response is how a healthy parent should respond. Obviously, parents will be stressed out and fail to show empathy at times, but if the overall response a mother has towards a child was empathetic, it means she had the ability to show compassion, stay calm and connected with her child, and curious about her internal world. When a mother embodies these qualities, it creates a healthy relationship with the child and supports the child’s experience of self-love, self-respect, and self-confidence. A child may in turn respond by saying “I need a hug” or “I don’t want to be friends with Nico anymore” or “I’m fine now, can I go play?”. But what’s happening on a much deeper level in a child’s belief system that is being shaped by how the mother treats the child goes something like this: “I’m important, my feelings are important, my needs matter, I matter, mommy loves and cares about me, it’s safe for me to communicate my needs and feelings, I am worthy of love. Mommy loves me.”

Now, reflect on your upbringing and think of times when you were upset, sad, or angry. You know the drill, grab your pen and paper, new page, and begin writing. How did your mother respond? What did she say? How did she behave towards you? How was her body language (soft, open or an angry facial expression or a passive body language)? Did she get angry at you for being angry? Did she feel irritated when you felt sad for “too long” and ask you to get over it by now or to feel grateful instead of complaining? Did she distract you by saying let’s go and get ice cream that will make you feel better? Did she ask you to deal with it yourself and be a big girl? Did she ask you to go to your father and ask him to help you in a dismissive way? Did she tell you that she knows that all you need is a hug and you will feel better? Did she tell you that you’re a selfish child for only thinking of your own feelings and complaining all the time and not thinking about how she feels and how tired she is? Write down all the different reactions, including body language, tone of voice, words used, and how it made you feel. I know this isn’t easy to do, if you feel like you don’t want to do this exercise or any other for that matter you don’t have to. If you need a break, take a break and get back to it later when you feel that you have more space for it. If you do decide to do this exercise though, it’s going to help gain an understanding of yourself and your needs, understand who your mother is, and untie knots she has created in your mind. That way, you will be one step closer to freeing yourself from the enmeshment trauma and regain your sense of self.

10. Remember your rights as the adult you are today

I want to remind you of the basic rights that you have as a human being and as a daughter because so many daughters suffering from enmeshment trauma with their moms don’t know their own rights. Being in an enmeshed relationship, especially with your mother can easily strip you away from your rights and that’s truly heart-breaking. This list can serve as a reminder of what you deserve and what you have the right to demand in any healthy relationship. I’d suggest that you print this out or write it down and put it somewhere you get to see it every day to empower you. You have the right to:

  • Protect your own physical and emotional health
  • Feel emotionally and physically safe
  • Be treated with respect
  • Express your own beliefs, feelings, opinions, convictions, values, and traditions
  • Get angry
  • Be heard without being interrupted, pressured, or guilt-tripped
  • Bring up grievances new or old without retaliation from your mother
  • Raise your children without your mother’s interference
  • Change your mind
  • Have time for yourself, your partner, and your children independent of your mother
  • Be taken seriously
  • Set rules and boundaries regarding your relationship with your mother and have them be honoured
  • Ask for help and to say no to your mother
  • Protest to your mother when she is causing drama, being critical, controlling, or otherwise difficult
  • Put yours, your partner, and your children’s needs above your mother’s
  • Say no and disagree with your mom
  • Love your mom or not love your mom
  • Let your mom know when she has offended or mistreated you
  • Ask your mom to stay out of problems between you and your partner
  • Ask what you would like from her
  • Set limits with how much time you spend with her and how much you’re willing to do for her
  • Be an active participant in deciding how holidays and other special occasions are going to be celebrated
  • Be treated as an equal in your relationship with your mom
  • Privacy and personal space without having to explain yourself to your mother

Remember that you’re not a prisoner in a totalitarian country stripped of all your rights and freedom of choice. You have rights, you have a choice, and you’re free to decide whatever you want. Put a copy of these rights on your bathroom mirror or some other place you will see them regularly, in order to remind you of your rights.

If you relate to many points in this article and wish to finally heal from enmeshment trauma, I’d love to work with you. Together, we can explore the underlying beliefs and emotions that are driving the enmeshment and heal the underlying wounds to free yourself from this type of relationship. I hope this article was helpful to you, and if you know someone who needs to read this, please share it with them. If you want to book a free session with me, you can do so here www.khanselma.com/contact. I always answer my emails within 24 hours.

I have extensive experience in helping clients heal from enmeshment trauma using a combination of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Sensorimotor psychotherapy. Both are evidence-based trauma treatments. I’ve worked with many clients who have struggled with this type of trauma and have seen them recover, build new healthy dynamics with their parents, and establish healthy boundaries that allow them to thrive.

Using a combination of IFS and Sensorimotor psychotherapy, we can identify and unburden the parts of you that are holding onto the wounds from the past (and present) and help you develop new, healthier coping mechanisms that allow you to establish healthy boundaries and improve your relationships with your parents.

I’m here to support you and guide you through the healing process. With your willingness to put in the work, I’m confident that you can recover from enmeshment trauma and live a more fulfilling life. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you have any questions or would like to schedule a session.

To read more on enmeshment, check out my other article 13 signs your relationship with your mom is enmeshed and toxic.

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